Today I was thinking and not only am I a hypocrite but I’m also a bad influence. As most of you know and if you don’t know then now you do, that I used to cut myself ever since the 6th grade and been trying to stop. But that’s it, trying. Cutting is addicting and I don’t know if everyone knows that. I’m in high school now but I have friends down in the middle school, several friends. That are now cutting and I feel like it’s my fault cause they seen my arms and my mistakes and I’m not proud of any of it and some people act like it’s no big deal and they just do a little. But get real. I just did a little at first. Than the more I went on with it they got deeper. I could of died several times if I didn’t put pressure on them. It’s not fun and it’s not cool. I just don’t want to see the people I love and care for hurt. And I don’t ever want to see them die. && I already have 2 friends that I know of that think about suicide all the time and it hurts. I don’t want them to turn out like that. I don’t want them to turn out like me. And that’s why I’m bad influence & that’s why I’m a hypocrite. But understand this. What starts out with a little mark can turn into a big problem. An addiction. A cry you don’t need. & a tragedy to everyone who cares and loves you.
okay well I was talking to my friend about what we want to do with our lives and Photography is my dream. I love to write poetry a lot too but I rather get into the photography business. I was wondering if anyone has any sugestions on how to make it big or get my name noticed?
I've been cutting since I was in the 6th grade which was around when I was 11 or 12. I'm 16 now and in the 9th grade. I still cut and the longer I do it the deeper I get. I was sexually abused as a child around the age of 6 or 7 and that happened ofetn by an ex uncle. I've made myself purge before but stopped after about a month or two of it and I did that on and off. I've been admitted into the hopital for the first time in the summer of my 6th grade year cause of my poetry about death. At that time my mom didn't know about my cutting but latter after I was released she found out cause I forgot to clean up. My 6 and 7th grade year I was very isolated. In the 8th grade which was when I started purging is when I tried to get readmitted so I could get away from everything and everyone. I cut my wrist and thought I was gonna die cause I was loosing so much blood. But I made it but was not admitted. At first in the 6th grade I just cut on my legs. Usually around 30-50 cuts each time. But that was with broken glass. In the 7th grade I started using razors and I got caught and yelled at all the time and all I could think about was how and when am I gonna be able to get a new one. In the 8th grade I was pretty dark. I always wore long sleeves and no one found out but I was called goth a lot. I've been through pleny of theripy and was on meds for a while but they made me worse so I stopped taking them. It seemed like when everyone thought I was at my best I was really at my worst. In the 9th grade I got admitted for the second time for cutting about 100 or more cuts up my right arm. For some odd reason I like posting the cuts online. And I think my mind is pretty messed up. About 4 or 5 months ago I started popping pills. Now I fridget a lot. I loose my nerves a lot more cause I would take around 6-8 at a time and they were mixed. I actually got ahold of some vicodin for some time too. I stopped popping pills not even a month ago but if I could get some I would take them in a second. I haven't ever tried to kill myself but I'll admit I thought about it and different ways and times and places I could before. And the more days go on the deeper my cuts get. I just did one 2 or 3 days ago I don't remember cause ever since the pills my memory has been messed up. I cut my wrist about 6 times deep. Undneath those are scars of about 30 cuts. On my right arm about 20.
My mom caught me on the 6th cut of that day and I had to go to the hospital to get 7 stitches. I've had pleny like that one before and you can tell with how wide some scars are but this time I had to do somthing about it cause my mom walked in. About 1 month or less ago I told my mom about me cutting again and the pills and the sexual abuse for the first time. Now I get theripy a lot more and I might have to go to court cause we might still be able to get him. I'm gonna be going back on meds too. I have to take them for mood disorder and depression. I shake a lot now. And often feel like ramming my head into the wall. A lot if not everyone at my school knows about me now and I'm called emo and made fun of a lot. I get weird stairs and people are afraid of me.
I play with their minds sometimes and try to scare them. I still have times that I'm outgoing. I'll do whatever I want and not give a shit who's watching or what I'm doing. I yell rawr and act like a ninja in public. But when I am depressed all I can do if listen to music and let the blood drain from my arm. That's all I have to say though I guess.
Can u help me get my work get noticed?
Artistic
Peaceful
